So what's your real name?

I am Justus Koshiol, though some of you know that I am also Justus de Tyre, Bud-Bud, Bull, Kosh, and sometimes Darkness.

What’s in a name? I’ve gone by many. I was raised as Paul, I chose Justus when I joined the SCA and later decided that I would be Justus and abandon Paul. In the Military no one manages to retain their first name so I became Koshiol, quickly shortened to “Kosh” since no one manages to retain both syllables of their last name either.  For a time I was Bullfrog, in due course shorted to “Bull” (the only nickname I’ve ever actually been fond of) 

 I left “Kosh” and “Bull” behind when I left the military, and gained “Bud-Bud”. Neither Jill or I remember when or why she began to call me “Bud-Bud” only that it soon became her only moniker for me. While I have a multitude of pet names for Jill, most all of them sweet enough to require a warning for diabetics, Jill has Bud-Bud for me. Always two Buds, paired, and no you cannot call me Bud-Bud.

 Recently, and entirely by accident I started to become “Darkness” And Darkness has been spreading! Even to many folks who don’t have the foggiest clue why it’s funny. I learned in the Military that you should never try and fight a nickname lest it be etched in stone, so I embrace Darkness with the idea that since it is two syllables it will follow the Koshiol law and fade away. Though it might be more durable than I imagined since an old friend that had no prior knowledge of Darkness said to me: “Dude, when you get drunk you start to channel Rick James”

Justus is not my real name, but that is not actually true. Justus is the name I introduce myself as, it is the name my wife refers to me as when speaking to other people and it is the only name that most of my acquaintances know I posses. To me that makes it my real name. It fits me; it’s slightly unusual but only recently. A hundred years ago it was very common; my great-great grandfather was named Justus, something I did not know when I choose it. Justus is still very common in Germany, which is where that part of my family hails form. (Via a brief stay in the Volga river valley of Russia.) And for some reason it is a popular name for rabbits and dogs as a recent flickr search proved.

 But the government, telemarketers, and very old acquaintances know that once my name was Paul, Paul Martin to be more precise, since my kind of Germans prefer a two part first name.  I did hate that name growing up, vehemently, but I think I’ve grown out of that. It still has no joy for me, and I struggle mightily to remember any good associated with that name. In fact you can neatly divide my life in twain at the moment where I abandoned Paul and took up Justus.   

 I know it is strange for a lot of people that one person should be known by a multitude of names. In our culture you get one name, and if you are lucky or especially unlucky you may get a nickname to go with it. Many folks like their given name, some hate it and others never think about it at all. I think it would be a grand idea that when you turn 18 and register to vote you should automatically be given the option of keeping your name, or changing it to something more fitting. Why on earth should you be forever saddled with a name your parents gave you, perhaps without much thought. (as the many Richard Heads of this world can attest.) Would some people change their name to “Boitoy” or “F*ckyoudad” of course, they already do, and all the better I say. What better way to get an insight to someone’s inner mind than the name they’ve chosen for themselves.  I’ve often thought about having mine legally changed but to be honest I’m lazy and I don’t even know where to begin. Besides the fact that for 95% of the world you are who you say you are. What was the last time you carded someone to check their name?

Since almost all my friends have at least two names and often many make believe if meaningful titles, so I move in a very free and easy circle where names are concerned. Some of these names are very unusual indeed and I take it for granted that I cannot hope to spell even some of my close friend’s names. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Having one bland modern name seems pretty mundane to me. A name is a powerful thing, or at least it can be. It should say something about who you are, or at least how you see yourself.

 I should note here that I never think of Justus as Justice. Aside from the fact that they are pronounced differently, it’s like sea and see, be and bee, When you think of them you don’t confuse sight with ocean or verb with insect.

Justus says something simple and strong to me, a feeling like white oak, good and honest.
 

It’s the right name for me, and I’ve had it longer than the name I was born with.

So, Justus is my real name.